Get thee out of thy country

And from thy kindred, and from thy father’s house, and into a land which I shall show thee. I dreamt last night that my Dad was casting me out of my childhood home. I had to fend for myself. I could not share in his food nor hide under his shelter. I had to go out into the world on my own. He wasn’t going to provide me with food or comfort or money to live. If I wanted to live I had to do it alone. I had to survive alone. In the dream I was anxious. I was afraid to do it on my own, life. Unsure how I was going to support myself or where I was going to turn now I didn’t have a home.

In the dream my father was the spirit of my ancestors, from whose work I have lived in comfort my whole life. My comfort is a direct result of my grandparents and my parents’ sacrifice. The sacrifice even of generations of men and women before me who eventually bore me. I am comfortable, enjoying my unearned wealth. It is time I start sacrificing.

It’s time for me to leave my father’s house. To commit to myself and to the future. Stop hiding. Go out into the world. No more hiding. Leave my father’s house, leave my kindred, and go into a land of divinity. Into the unexplored land, the land of divine growth.

Curious that I should have this dream the day after I start my blog. My ancestors are calling to me through dreams. I am doing the right thing; I am finally on the right path. Leave behind the safety of my father’s home. Get going. Go!

Remember, Remember.

The fifth of November, gunpowder, treason and plot. I have been living a life of imagination. Now, finally I’m attempting to breach the real world. For the longest time I have imagined my success. I have imagined being a published author, a film-maker, a musician; hoping that one day these things will come to me. Hoping that one day I will make the moral effort to put myself out there and have an adventure. So, I will show the world how much of a fool I am, in the hope that I will grow and learn.

I always thought: in the future I’ll be flexible. In the future. Something will happen in the future that will make me flexible. It’s me. It’s all me. Everything I want is down to me. I want to be an author, I must write. I want to make music, I must learn to play an instrument. I want to be flexible, I must stretch. I want to marry a beautiful woman whom I love, I must go out and talk to beautiful women. There is no waiting. Waiting is decay. There is no being handed things, as I have been my whole life. There is only going and doing. Go and do!

I am 26 and I often feel like a boy. That is because I often behave like a boy. I don’t take on the necessary responsibility to improve my life. I don’t sacrifice my time and leisure for the work that will progress me into the world I am afraid of but must enter into. I will sacrifice. I will work and write and post blogs and make YouTube videos and post things on Instagram. I will face it.

Now will I fight. Now will I grow. Now will I make manifest my potential.

I will become the man I know I can be.